Negotiating Conflict: The 5 Percent Solution
Peter Coleman has written a book called The Five Percent: Finding Solutions to Seemingly Impossible Conflicts. His premise is that 5% of all conflict is intractable. For we mediators, and our clients, I guess the good news is that 95% are not! Professor Coleman teaches psychology and education at Columbia University.
I haven’t finished reading the book, but I thought I’d mention 5 rules of thumb he gives for handling conflict:
- Whenever possible, cooperate.
- Be flexible.
- Do not personalize.
- Listen carefully.
- Be fair, friendly and firm.
These methods may be difficult for some lawyers to swallow in civil litigation. In some of my mediations, lawyers sometimes fight, can be inflexible, sometimes take the other side’s small moves personally and often forego the ability to listen carefully to the other side because they decide against having a joint session. If this sounds like you, I’m going to suggest that you practice negotiating outside of the mediation office, in your personal life, by starting out being fair, friendly and firm, and then following the rest of Coleman’s recommendations. This will also lessen the negative personalization, which creates emotion in negotiation and can lead to impasse in mediation.
Pay attention to the response of the people you’re negotiating with. If you are getting good responses, and negotiation outcomes you appreciate, then stick a toe in the water and try the same negotiation strategies at your next mediation. Here are the upsides: a proven method that works, a more civil mediation, and your reputation is enhanced. Not bad.
Professor Coleman points out that not all conflicts are bad, and suggests that we try to envision a world without conflict. His conclusion: “Even if it were possible, it would be so unbelievably tedious.” Not to mention the fact that a lot of lawyers would be unemployed!