Divorce Preparation: Consider Mediation
If you’re getting a divorce and you think you want to duke it out with your soon-to-be-ex, think again. There are three main drawbacks to divorce litigation. (Yes, this blog has a bias.) They are:
- Negative Impact on Children
- High Cost
- Negative Impact on You
Never underestimate the impact on your children that protracted litigation with your spouse will have. Your kids are already upset that your divorce is about to make a huge change in their lives. It’s also hard for them to hear one parent disrespect the other. You’re their parents. They love you. So take some time to think about what it will feel like to them for their parents to get into a bitter lawsuit.
Divorce litigation is not something to take lightly. It impacts your children’s future as well as their future behavior. Do you want them to wind up at the Betty Ford Clinic, or do you them to want see good behavior in the way you conduct yourself with their other parent? One thing is certain. Your children will be watching you.
Litigation is prohibitively expensive. Let’s say your divorce lawyer charges $400 per hour. Let’s say you’re angry and you want your lawyer to take your spouse’s deposition. Let’s say it takes your lawyer 10 hours to prepare for the deposition (lots of documents to review and time spent interviewing you on the facts) and 8 hours to take it. That’s almost $7,500. You may be able to negotiate a mediated settlement, and be done with it, for less money than it would take for one deposition.
Save your money for your post-divorce future.
As for the impact on you, in my experience, protracted conflict only gets more bitter, not less. Not only is that a lot of wasted energy, it’s backward looking instead of looking forward. Save your energy for something positive, like your post-divorce life.
I have divorce mediation offices in San Francisco, Burlingame and Palo Alto. You can check out my posts on divorce mediation and mediation preparation in the column to the right.