Negotiation Tip: Use the Rule of Reciprocity
What goes around, comes around.
We are taught from birth to repay favors, gifts, hospitality, etc.
(How many times have you said, “We need to invite the “so-and-so’s” over for dinner. We owe them...”?)
Robert Cialdini, a social psychologist at Arizona State University, is an international expert in this field. In Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he cites multitudes of studies. In one, a social scientist randomly chose names of strangers out of the phone book and sent them all Christmas cards. An astonishing number of these people sent him a Christmas card in return. He didn’t know them and they didn’t know him. Talk about perfect strangers!
In another study, two people were assigned a task to do jointly. One of them was a researcher. At some point, the researcher excused himself to go to the bathroom. In some instances, he returned with two Cokes, one for him and one for the experimentee. This was an unbidden favor. In other instances, he returned empty-handed. When the two completed the task at hand, the researcher asked the experimentee to buy some raffle tickets. The results: those who had been given a Coke bought twice as many tickets as those who had not.
The import is that extending favors can induce conduct you want because human beings feel a deep-seated need to reciprocate.
In a negotiation, what can you do to take advantage of our innate urge to reciprocate?
Little things come to mind.
- Be nice.
- Offer to pour coffee or water for everyone.
- Give out compliments.
- Express appreciation.
- Offer to lend a book or video.
- Ask for advice on an unrelated topic. (Parenting is one of my favorites. Who couldn’t use a little extra advice on parenting?)
There are, of course, more germane topics.
- Concede a point. (It doesn’t have to be a big point.)
- Find an area of agreement and express it. (Even a small area will do.)
This negotiation strategy makes it harder for the other side to stop negotiating. Moreover, not only will your mediation be more pleasant, it will also be more productive, as the other side will feel the need to make a concession in return, thus averting an impasse in mediation.